If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
