I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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