The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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