Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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