Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
