its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
