just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
