So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
PANTIES FOUND
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