It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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