im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
