i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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