I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
