There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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