i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
