you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
