I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
