I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
