i just google imaged poop.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
