Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
this is an emotional support booty call
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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