Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
