That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
