i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
