Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
