Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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