Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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