He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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