if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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