Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
