I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
