Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
