I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
