end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
