so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
