There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
