My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Your cock deserves a montage
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
