it wasn't lemon gatorade
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
