"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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