All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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