I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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