My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
