We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
