That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
