he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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