dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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