i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
