Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
