guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wish my penis had a tongue
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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