More tranny stories later!
this just has baby written all over it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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