i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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