Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
