Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
