ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I CAN MOONWALK!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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