hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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