that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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