phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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