I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
