Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
