I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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