Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
