I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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