I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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