someone get that fucking seahorse.
even my farts smell like vagina
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
