we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
