just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
