Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
