I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
