from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
