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i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
