I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
