You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
