I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
