i think my tv is drunk
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
