Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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