I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She bit a glass in half.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
