it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
