hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
