NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
