mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize