This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
