I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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