from now on my penis is your penis
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
