1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
