i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
