All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
