Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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