hell yes lets make some ravioli
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
