Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize